Lies

There she was. Her. In his ship. After promise after promise that he would never hurt me and for me to trust him, he lied.

As Tiger sat at his desk, I came through the door. No words. Just took out the knife Carmilla made for me on our weekend getaway and stabbed him through the heart. So fitting that a knife that bore both our names is what I used to kill him.

I have sent my children away with my father. His boys. Tiger's sons. I need to find a way to survive again. One blue pill and I slip into oblivion, but even my dreams haunt me. Why? Why?

Time Flies

My lovely daughter Madeleine is two years old today. When I think back to all we have been through during her short years in this universe, I want to cry and smile all at the same time. My sweet little girl is growing up before my eyes.

She has been given some lovely presents from my father as well as a few special ones from me. Tiger gave her a lovely doll that Madeleine has yet to put down. She called her "Talia."

Life is so wonderful right now. I couldn't be more happy.

One Month Old!

As silly as it is, I thought I would mark this milestone. My boys are one month old today. Both can hold up their heads as well as turn towards different sounds and voices. They recognize mine and Madeleine's as soon as we come into a room. They start to coo and giggle. Madeleine takes great delight in laying on the floor with them and moving toys around for them to grab at.

Tyrion almost rolled from his stomach to his back this morning! I think he's going to be the more active of the pair. Tamar seems more subdued and content to get to things in his own time.

I couldn't be more proud of my boys and I just had to brag.

Realizations

Nightie moved so swiftly and the motion was so fluid, I never saw the knife coming until it pinned me to the table by my necklace. I could feel the chain dig into the back of my neck. A bouncer rushed to free me and I hastily inspected the ring on my necklace. It was completely undamaged. I ran my fingertips over the blemish that the knife caused to the table. The truth to her words hit home. I made a mistake. A terrible mistake and I was completely miserable because of it. Sure, the whole idea of separating was made with the very best of intentions, but was it the best thing for us?

The following morning, Madeleine and the boys spent the day with my father so I went into Smokin' Aces earlier than usual. I moved through the lounge to the bar and got the figures from the previous night from the bartender before heading to the management suite. Tiger's office door was shut. I wondered if he had been staying there or if he even was there. I tried my luck and knocked on the door. A voice from within responded and I entered the office.

There he was. My heart jumped into my throat. We talked a bit about business and I turned to look at something. Being the observant individual that Tiger is, he noticed the bruise along my neck and asked about it, brushing his fingers over the mark.

It wasn't long before all came flooding out. We knew we had made a mistake, but neither was willing to admit it until I had this eye opening experience.

At that point, we realized that we were made for each other. So different and yet, our hearts beat as one. He was and is my soul mate and I will never be parted from him again.

I Guess the World Didn't Stop For My Broken Heart

Alone with my thoughts

Pondering our goodbye

One embrace

A long gaze

A few words in hushed tones

Do not cry, you tell yourself.

Walk away

Look back once more

But you’re gone.

Tears flow freely

The soft rain mingles with them

How fitting

Heaven is crying with you

Feeling your pain

This is not farewell

We will meet again

But it feels like forever

Until then, I’ll hold it in

And cry when I am

Alone with my thoughts.

Life Changing Moments

Last night was the scariest and most wonderful night of my life, second only to Madeleine's birth. I knew the twins would be early, but I never anticipated going into labor in the middle of The Broken Piano. Eric was a state and Esna walked right into it all. Both got me home safe and the boys arrived at around three in the morning.

Heavens help me. They look so much like their father, but they are happy and healthy. For now, I need to rest. Then I will reconcile what has been broken.

Memories

I do my best to put my mind to work elsewhere, but everything I do reminds me of you. I'm haunted by memories, shadows, sounds. It's as if I can still feel your arms around me at night and your lips on mine. This is almost too much to bear. I wish you would come back to me. Please come back to me.