I'm sitting in The Broken Piano. Again, I find solace in my writings.
Once I dared to feel
The joy of true love's embrace.
I gave my heart freely
Without restraint.
Now I find that I am left
Again, that embrace was torn away.
I cannot cry.
I must be strong.
If not for myself.
Then for her.
Friday, October 8
Sunday, October 3
Old as she is, she still misses her daddy sometimes....
I spoke about my father today. First time in ages I have done so. I was sitting with Sakura Imoru in The Broken Piano and he came up in conversation while we were speaking of our children. I remember my father so clearly. He wasn't a tall man, but he was strong. I remember waiting patiently for him to come home from work at the treasury. I would run to him as soon as he came in the door and he would lift me high in the air and say, "Was my little Las good today?" I would nod and assure him I was, even if I hadn't been. He would show me star charts and tell me about the systems.
One night, when I was ten, he didn't come home. I waited and waited. My mother grew worried. She contacted the authorities who said they could do nothing at this time. My sisters and I were sent to bed. Late that night, I heard my mother sobbing. I crept to my room door. My uncle was there, which was strange. I heard him say, "There was nothing that could be done." I burst out of my room and everyone stopped and looked at me. My uncle knelt down in front of me, "He's gone." I remember shaking my head and telling him it was a lie. My mother grabbed my shoulders and shook me, "Your father is dead!" I remember my whole body going numb and the world going dark.
I spent the next few days in a haze. No one would tell me what happened. Finally, when I'd asked my mother for what seemed like the hundredth time what had happened, she slapped me. I withdrew into myself.
I do not think I would have left had my father not died. To this day, I do not know what happened. Perhaps someday I'll have the courage to investigate further. Until then, I'll keep the memories I have of him, smiling and laughing.
One night, when I was ten, he didn't come home. I waited and waited. My mother grew worried. She contacted the authorities who said they could do nothing at this time. My sisters and I were sent to bed. Late that night, I heard my mother sobbing. I crept to my room door. My uncle was there, which was strange. I heard him say, "There was nothing that could be done." I burst out of my room and everyone stopped and looked at me. My uncle knelt down in front of me, "He's gone." I remember shaking my head and telling him it was a lie. My mother grabbed my shoulders and shook me, "Your father is dead!" I remember my whole body going numb and the world going dark.
I spent the next few days in a haze. No one would tell me what happened. Finally, when I'd asked my mother for what seemed like the hundredth time what had happened, she slapped me. I withdrew into myself.
I do not think I would have left had my father not died. To this day, I do not know what happened. Perhaps someday I'll have the courage to investigate further. Until then, I'll keep the memories I have of him, smiling and laughing.
Tuesday, September 28
Finding my place
Who would have thought I would find everything I needed through my work as a diplomat and a recruiter for Requiem? I continue to be amazed at the people I meet. I have found myself staying at The Broken Piano of late. Well, I suppose because I'm with child, it seems to be a relatively safe place for the moment, despite being in null sec space and it seems to be a lucky place on top of that.
I suppose I should explain how I got pregnant. It was not an intentional action. I was in The Broken Piano one evening when I fight broke out between two women and a man. Apparently, the man had tried to force himself on one of the women and they were getting their revenge. I was standing with Literia when the fight broke out. A Caldari man named Sonir Lestat came over and put his arm around me, joking about protecting me. Vince came in at that moment and stood with Literia. Being my natural flirty self, I cuddled into the man. We ended up going away after the fight and well, ooops! I told him about two weeks later that I was pregnant and he seemed to take it rather well. When I found out the baby was a girl, he hurried to the Piano after a rather blatant note sent by Vince. He told me he wanted to remain with me and I accepted, finding some strange connection with him. Sonir is often away on business, but I have plenty of friends to keep me company.
I am not quite sure about this settling down bit. I do like him very much, but he was speaking to me about settling down somewhere to raise our child. That pull of adventure still tugs at my heart. I want to bring our child along for that, but at the same time, I do not want to put them in danger. Blast this conflicting heart of mine! I suppose I will take some time to think about it all. I do have eight months after all!
By the way, dear log, I am to have a baby girl and her name will be Madeleine.
I suppose I should explain how I got pregnant. It was not an intentional action. I was in The Broken Piano one evening when I fight broke out between two women and a man. Apparently, the man had tried to force himself on one of the women and they were getting their revenge. I was standing with Literia when the fight broke out. A Caldari man named Sonir Lestat came over and put his arm around me, joking about protecting me. Vince came in at that moment and stood with Literia. Being my natural flirty self, I cuddled into the man. We ended up going away after the fight and well, ooops! I told him about two weeks later that I was pregnant and he seemed to take it rather well. When I found out the baby was a girl, he hurried to the Piano after a rather blatant note sent by Vince. He told me he wanted to remain with me and I accepted, finding some strange connection with him. Sonir is often away on business, but I have plenty of friends to keep me company.
I am not quite sure about this settling down bit. I do like him very much, but he was speaking to me about settling down somewhere to raise our child. That pull of adventure still tugs at my heart. I want to bring our child along for that, but at the same time, I do not want to put them in danger. Blast this conflicting heart of mine! I suppose I will take some time to think about it all. I do have eight months after all!
By the way, dear log, I am to have a baby girl and her name will be Madeleine.
Monday, September 27
Never Look Back
Once I write this entry, I will never look upon it again. It is so anyone who finds these logs will know of my past.
I was born on Teonusude VII - Moon 1 near the Vherokior tribe Treasury. I often lie about this and say my family is in the Heimatar region of Minmatar space, only because I do not wish word of my location getting back to them. My father worked in the Treasury office. My mother maintained a small business, a trading post of sorts in the town area. I grew up hearing the stories of travelers as they passed through, either on journeys of business or exploration. I was the youngest of three children, all girls. My sisters were content to live their days on Teonusude, working in the shop, raising families, but I was the wild card.
One day, an Amarrian man came to the trading post. He was not handsome per se, but he told fascinating stories of journeying all over the cluster, exploring, meeting new people. I was captivated. That same evening, he found me cleaning up and pulled me aside, saying he had never seen anyone more beautiful and that I was too good for this kind of life. My naive heart was taken in. He offered me freedom and I foolishly accepted.
Two years later, I found myself stranded on Deltole. No money. No food. No home. A passing corporation CEO found me, huddled in an alcove, nearly starving. He took me in and took care of me. For that, I am forever loyal to him and will follow him no matter where he goes.
I have often passed the moon where I was born, thinking about docking at the station and going to see them, but I know I will be met with hatred. I have shamed my family. I can never go home.
I was born on Teonusude VII - Moon 1 near the Vherokior tribe Treasury. I often lie about this and say my family is in the Heimatar region of Minmatar space, only because I do not wish word of my location getting back to them. My father worked in the Treasury office. My mother maintained a small business, a trading post of sorts in the town area. I grew up hearing the stories of travelers as they passed through, either on journeys of business or exploration. I was the youngest of three children, all girls. My sisters were content to live their days on Teonusude, working in the shop, raising families, but I was the wild card.
One day, an Amarrian man came to the trading post. He was not handsome per se, but he told fascinating stories of journeying all over the cluster, exploring, meeting new people. I was captivated. That same evening, he found me cleaning up and pulled me aside, saying he had never seen anyone more beautiful and that I was too good for this kind of life. My naive heart was taken in. He offered me freedom and I foolishly accepted.
Two years later, I found myself stranded on Deltole. No money. No food. No home. A passing corporation CEO found me, huddled in an alcove, nearly starving. He took me in and took care of me. For that, I am forever loyal to him and will follow him no matter where he goes.
I have often passed the moon where I was born, thinking about docking at the station and going to see them, but I know I will be met with hatred. I have shamed my family. I can never go home.
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