Pain

My eyes are nearly closing. I'm sitting next to Eric as he lays, injured, in a hospital bed. Why do these things keep happening? Is it too much to ask for a simple life? He was just walking into Ithi's office and some lunatic stabbed him. He was supposed to be safe with Ithi. I don't want to let go of his hand for fear he will slip away from me.

It's so strange. I felt like I was in love before now, but it was nothing like this. There were always conditions. Something that didn't feel quite right. I can't think of anything that makes me doubt this love. Perhaps I've grown up.

I haven't kept track of time so I am probably babbling on. I lay my hand over his chest to feel his heart beating, rest my head on the bed and close my eyes.

Begin Again...

Sometimes, that night at Smokin' Aces haunts me. I wake drenched in a cold sweat, a scream on my lips. His name. I should hate him more. I just wish I could get the blood from my hands.

The months have been long. I see him in the faces of my boys, but I cannot hate them. They are innocents in all of this. It was supposed to be my happily ever after. It was heartbreaking. I had to find myself all over again. It wasn't right to rely so heavily on someone. He will have a piece of my heart forever. I cannot deny that.

Two years ago, I met Eric in The Broken Piano. He became my best friend, my confidant, my drinking buddy, and my dance partner. A few months ago, he told me he was in love with me. I wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or some long, deep hidden emotion. After "him," I was a wreck. My heart was torn into a thousand pieces. Nightie purged me of the drugs. Eric held me up and kept me from falling back down. The days blurred together, but he was there. The one constant.

One day at the Bunny Lounge, Cynthia hit on him. She didn't know we were seeing each other, but the jealousy hit me hard. Harder than I expected. I started to question and wonder if I had been ignoring the one person in front of me. I admitted my feelings. Eric pulled away a bit, as I expected him to. Not good enough, he said, he was not good enough to be with me.

My sweet sister, Ithiria, solved that insecurity and Eric and I have been all but inseparable. I hope this is it. People seem satisfied with my choice.

After a brief slip up, with Leopold Caine abducting Eric to try and coerce me into doing something for him, things are running smoothly now. I opened my second venue, L'Amore in Ballo.

I am happy. Not lying and not hiding everything sets my spirit free. I have a future in sight now.