Torn

I'm not sure how to explain what is going on inside me. I was crushed when Esna told me he had another. I won't lie about that. How I could find someone again and so quickly baffles me a bit. I am still a bit on edge, but it does feel right in some ways. I haven't been treated like this before. So gentle and so respected. I'm used to being taken, used, and thrown aside.

We walked in the gardens next to The Broken Piano. We kissed under the stars. It was like a dream.

I worry I'm letting myself get attached too quickly. The wall is still up, but I can feel it crumbling. I hope I do not get hurt this time.

One Year Later

Coming back to these logs feels like I'm coming back to an old friend. Last I updated, Madeleine had just been born. Now, she is one year old. I have reconnected with my mother and sisters. Madeleine is fully enjoying her time with her cousins. I have left her on Teonusude with my family as I am working for my mother now and it just is not safe for her to travel the cluster with me anymore.

I withdrew from most of my friends and acquaintances for some time to focus on Madeleine. I was not surprised when one of them had moved on. I had hoped we would have a future together. Silly of me to assume he would wait for me. Of course I have been hurt before, but this pain was different than all the others. Different than the first time I was left alone and starving in a station. Again, I will overcome this pain as I have always done, but I do not know how long it will take.

Others have moved on as well. The Broken Piano is much quieter than it used to be. I miss the hustle and bustle of times passed.

I met a new friend as well. He seems very nice and I hope to have many more conversations with him in the future.

I have given myself a bit of a makeover. I feel that my old style was a bit too carefree. I am content with something more distinguished.

I hope to keep up these logs more diligently. Until next time then.