Old Friends

In the span of just a few days, I have had two very interesting things happen to me. Both ironically occurred in my usual haunt, The Broken Piano. First, my good friend Raxip has returned from a lengthy stay planet side. I was thrilled to see him. He felt the twins move as well, which was very sweet. I must have occupied his thoughts while he was away because he drew a lovely picture of me. I was very touched by this. He has always been so kind to me, seeking nothing in return. I hope that he stays around now that he's back.

The second thing is probably the more intriguing of the two. Eric Lancier and I have been friends for many years. I distinctly remember scooping him off the floor when he was in one of his drunken stupors and helping him to the shuttle bay. We have always had a rather curious friendship. He fears disappointing me and I always assure him that he couldn't possibly do such a thing. Well, I discovered that his recent attempts to become sober are because of me. He told me as much when he admitted he had more than feelings of friendship towards me.

Now, I am so confused by all this. I'm not seeking any kind of attachment at the moment. I have another gentlemen avidly seeking, for lack of a better word, a one night stand with me. I'm just unsure if I'm ready for that. It's too soon. My heart is still broken. I wonder if it will ever be whole again.

Shattered Dreams

Once upon a time
You were here.
Our fairy tale ending
Was in sight.

I lay in bed,
Haunted by memories
Of a future
That was never to be.

Visions of hard flesh
On soft skin.
Warm lips meeting
In the throes of passion.

Too long had I waited
For love and trust
Happiness forged from sorrow
Joy pulled from pain.

Now, endless nights
Of whispered promises
Have given way
To shattered dreams.

Truth and Trust

Thought my few years in this universe (compared to some obviously), I have learned a few things. One of those things was to make sure I protected my heart from those that would use it to their own ends. I have failed at that again. And again I find myself alone and pregnant. A man who assured me I could trust him has betrayed me. Not only has he betrayed me, but his commanding officer, who swore to help us keep in touch, has betrayed me as well. I have lied to myself for many months hoping it wasn't true, but I cannot live this fantasy any longer.

I know after the twins are born, that will be it. I will make certain that no child will come into this world from my body again.

My time is now occupied with educational pursuits. I am researching the heritage of my family. I know I am descended from mystics and I am searching for more information. There is very little unfortunately, but it occupies my mind. I ask the gods for strength. It's hard to put on such a face when inside, I'm dying.