Old Friends

In the span of just a few days, I have had two very interesting things happen to me. Both ironically occurred in my usual haunt, The Broken Piano. First, my good friend Raxip has returned from a lengthy stay planet side. I was thrilled to see him. He felt the twins move as well, which was very sweet. I must have occupied his thoughts while he was away because he drew a lovely picture of me. I was very touched by this. He has always been so kind to me, seeking nothing in return. I hope that he stays around now that he's back.

The second thing is probably the more intriguing of the two. Eric Lancier and I have been friends for many years. I distinctly remember scooping him off the floor when he was in one of his drunken stupors and helping him to the shuttle bay. We have always had a rather curious friendship. He fears disappointing me and I always assure him that he couldn't possibly do such a thing. Well, I discovered that his recent attempts to become sober are because of me. He told me as much when he admitted he had more than feelings of friendship towards me.

Now, I am so confused by all this. I'm not seeking any kind of attachment at the moment. I have another gentlemen avidly seeking, for lack of a better word, a one night stand with me. I'm just unsure if I'm ready for that. It's too soon. My heart is still broken. I wonder if it will ever be whole again.

Shattered Dreams

Once upon a time
You were here.
Our fairy tale ending
Was in sight.

I lay in bed,
Haunted by memories
Of a future
That was never to be.

Visions of hard flesh
On soft skin.
Warm lips meeting
In the throes of passion.

Too long had I waited
For love and trust
Happiness forged from sorrow
Joy pulled from pain.

Now, endless nights
Of whispered promises
Have given way
To shattered dreams.

Truth and Trust

Thought my few years in this universe (compared to some obviously), I have learned a few things. One of those things was to make sure I protected my heart from those that would use it to their own ends. I have failed at that again. And again I find myself alone and pregnant. A man who assured me I could trust him has betrayed me. Not only has he betrayed me, but his commanding officer, who swore to help us keep in touch, has betrayed me as well. I have lied to myself for many months hoping it wasn't true, but I cannot live this fantasy any longer.

I know after the twins are born, that will be it. I will make certain that no child will come into this world from my body again.

My time is now occupied with educational pursuits. I am researching the heritage of my family. I know I am descended from mystics and I am searching for more information. There is very little unfortunately, but it occupies my mind. I ask the gods for strength. It's hard to put on such a face when inside, I'm dying.

Slander

The rage I am feeling cannot possibly be described. I have been accused of a most heinous act!

I was connected into The Summit yesterday and was speaking with another capsuleer about my pregnancy. I was asked how far along I was and Norrin spoke up. He has apparently been released from the asylum. I realized later that my month count was off, but regardless of that, he began raving about the attack I suffered a few months ago.

He is fully convinced that I planned the attack in order to have a miscarriage. He rambled on about getting justice. Several people pointed out to him that it was uncharacteristic of me to even fathom planning such a horrible act. He could not even provide any evidence to support his insane claims!

I am sure that he will not follow through on any course of vengeance. First of all, he is not capable of it and second, he would not even dare confront me in person. It will be forgotten and he will go about with his delusions of vengence and justice. I do pity him.

Horror

William's family is missing. I am horrified to think that not even a week ago, my dear, sweet Madeleine was living there. She is sleeping with her head rested in my lap. My little girl. I plan to keep her close now. She will soon have two little brothers. I cannot even bear to write more. The what ifs haunt me.

Burned

I do not know what drew me back to the beach house today. Perhaps I was just curious about how Norrin was doing. I had not heard from him since I left nor did I really expect to. I landed my ship at the small docking bay and took a shuttle down to the planet.

I walked slowly along the beach and watched the ocean waves roll in and out. As I approached the house where we used to live, my heart nearly stopped. I froze in my tracks. Where the house used to be was a pile of rubble, blackened. I blinked a few times to make sure I wasn't dreaming or imagining it.

A few workers were rummaging through the wood and moving it aside. I pulled the hood of my jacket up to obscure my face and moved closer to one of them, "What happened here?"

He looked up at me, a black mark across one of his cheeks, "The son. Went mad. Burned the place to the ground."

A lump formed in my throat, "Did he say anything?"

The man shrugged, "Not sure, miss. Just know his fiancee left him. Next thing we know, the place is up in flames and his parents institutionalised him."

"Institutionalised him?"

The man tried to peer under my hood, "Yes, miss. Mental institution."

I nodded firmly and turned my head away to look at the rubble again, "Thank you."

The man shrugged again and went back to work. I watched for a moment and then I walked away, head down.

As I walked I came to the realization that I was part of the cause of his mental breakdown. I didn't leave him to hurt him. I left him because he would be safer. I hoped he would move on and find someone more worthy of him. I suppose I was wrong.

So this is love....

The full moon reflects on the water as we sit on the terrace. I look over at him. His features are dark, almost mysterious, with secrets hidden beneath his eyes. He rises from his chair and stands in front of me, “Come dance with me.” He holds out his hand to me and I place my small hand into his. He pulls me to my feet and into his embrace. He leads the dance to unheard music, moving me slowly around.

One hand skims up my back to where dress gives way to flesh, tipping my chin up with a finger so my green eyes fix on his, “I love you.”

My soft, red lips curve into a smile and part ever so slightly, “And I love you.”

He lowers his head and brushes his lips across my full, lush mouth. Once. Twice. Three times. My eyes close, long lashes fanning out on my cheeks. He studies my face and murmurs, “Absolutely beautiful.” My eyes open slowly. He smiles down at me, “I cannot begin to describe my joy that you are carrying my children.”

I blush. A common reaction any time he gives me such lovely compliments, “As am I.”

We sway softly in the moonlight, his strong arms holding my body as if I would break. I twine my arms around his neck and rest my head on his chest, listening to his strong heartbeat. I feel his cheek come to rest on the top of my head. A small shiver of fear goes through my body at the thought of ever losing him, but I push it away and focus on that moment in the moonlight where we simply just belong to each other. A feeling of complete and utter contentment sweeps over me. We are so perfectly matched in our imperfect natures.