Realizations

Nightie moved so swiftly and the motion was so fluid, I never saw the knife coming until it pinned me to the table by my necklace. I could feel the chain dig into the back of my neck. A bouncer rushed to free me and I hastily inspected the ring on my necklace. It was completely undamaged. I ran my fingertips over the blemish that the knife caused to the table. The truth to her words hit home. I made a mistake. A terrible mistake and I was completely miserable because of it. Sure, the whole idea of separating was made with the very best of intentions, but was it the best thing for us?

The following morning, Madeleine and the boys spent the day with my father so I went into Smokin' Aces earlier than usual. I moved through the lounge to the bar and got the figures from the previous night from the bartender before heading to the management suite. Tiger's office door was shut. I wondered if he had been staying there or if he even was there. I tried my luck and knocked on the door. A voice from within responded and I entered the office.

There he was. My heart jumped into my throat. We talked a bit about business and I turned to look at something. Being the observant individual that Tiger is, he noticed the bruise along my neck and asked about it, brushing his fingers over the mark.

It wasn't long before all came flooding out. We knew we had made a mistake, but neither was willing to admit it until I had this eye opening experience.

At that point, we realized that we were made for each other. So different and yet, our hearts beat as one. He was and is my soul mate and I will never be parted from him again.

I Guess the World Didn't Stop For My Broken Heart

Alone with my thoughts

Pondering our goodbye

One embrace

A long gaze

A few words in hushed tones

Do not cry, you tell yourself.

Walk away

Look back once more

But you’re gone.

Tears flow freely

The soft rain mingles with them

How fitting

Heaven is crying with you

Feeling your pain

This is not farewell

We will meet again

But it feels like forever

Until then, I’ll hold it in

And cry when I am

Alone with my thoughts.

Life Changing Moments

Last night was the scariest and most wonderful night of my life, second only to Madeleine's birth. I knew the twins would be early, but I never anticipated going into labor in the middle of The Broken Piano. Eric was a state and Esna walked right into it all. Both got me home safe and the boys arrived at around three in the morning.

Heavens help me. They look so much like their father, but they are happy and healthy. For now, I need to rest. Then I will reconcile what has been broken.

Memories

I do my best to put my mind to work elsewhere, but everything I do reminds me of you. I'm haunted by memories, shadows, sounds. It's as if I can still feel your arms around me at night and your lips on mine. This is almost too much to bear. I wish you would come back to me. Please come back to me.

Old Friends

In the span of just a few days, I have had two very interesting things happen to me. Both ironically occurred in my usual haunt, The Broken Piano. First, my good friend Raxip has returned from a lengthy stay planet side. I was thrilled to see him. He felt the twins move as well, which was very sweet. I must have occupied his thoughts while he was away because he drew a lovely picture of me. I was very touched by this. He has always been so kind to me, seeking nothing in return. I hope that he stays around now that he's back.

The second thing is probably the more intriguing of the two. Eric Lancier and I have been friends for many years. I distinctly remember scooping him off the floor when he was in one of his drunken stupors and helping him to the shuttle bay. We have always had a rather curious friendship. He fears disappointing me and I always assure him that he couldn't possibly do such a thing. Well, I discovered that his recent attempts to become sober are because of me. He told me as much when he admitted he had more than feelings of friendship towards me.

Now, I am so confused by all this. I'm not seeking any kind of attachment at the moment. I have another gentlemen avidly seeking, for lack of a better word, a one night stand with me. I'm just unsure if I'm ready for that. It's too soon. My heart is still broken. I wonder if it will ever be whole again.

Shattered Dreams

Once upon a time
You were here.
Our fairy tale ending
Was in sight.

I lay in bed,
Haunted by memories
Of a future
That was never to be.

Visions of hard flesh
On soft skin.
Warm lips meeting
In the throes of passion.

Too long had I waited
For love and trust
Happiness forged from sorrow
Joy pulled from pain.

Now, endless nights
Of whispered promises
Have given way
To shattered dreams.

Truth and Trust

Thought my few years in this universe (compared to some obviously), I have learned a few things. One of those things was to make sure I protected my heart from those that would use it to their own ends. I have failed at that again. And again I find myself alone and pregnant. A man who assured me I could trust him has betrayed me. Not only has he betrayed me, but his commanding officer, who swore to help us keep in touch, has betrayed me as well. I have lied to myself for many months hoping it wasn't true, but I cannot live this fantasy any longer.

I know after the twins are born, that will be it. I will make certain that no child will come into this world from my body again.

My time is now occupied with educational pursuits. I am researching the heritage of my family. I know I am descended from mystics and I am searching for more information. There is very little unfortunately, but it occupies my mind. I ask the gods for strength. It's hard to put on such a face when inside, I'm dying.